52 Weeks of Gratitude

Traffic in the street

Four years ago I made the call that saved my life.  Physical suicide almost seemed like a positive alternative to the suicide I was committing with my relationships, finances, family and job. I believe the best way to describe it as similar to the path of destruction left by an F-5 tornado. The strongest of tornadoes, it is described as a force that lifts strong frame houses from the foundation and carries them for considerable distances before they disintegrate; automobiles become missiles; trees are “debarked” and steel structures are damaged.  Yep, that about describes my life three years ago, an F-5 tornado, a direct hit.  The storm built for many years, carried me for several more, all the time uprooting my identity until I disintegrated. I was like Dorothy, but there was no OZ at the end of my road.  And like Dorothy, I had to find my way home.  However my home, the place that sheltered me from the storms, was the storm.  The person I had become was in such contrast to my essence.  I was self-destructing and my life was what fueled the storm.  

So I sought help.  With menopause at my heels, a pending divorce, and my best friend dying from cancer, doing this alone was not an option. I was a woman entering midlife with hormones exploding like the Macy’s 4^th of July fireworks.  I needed a doctor. I knew I was at a crossroad in my life and the only way to survive was to walk across the busy intersection. I did.  And a funny thing happened; the traffic stopped and gave me the time to get to the other side of the street. Sometimes I travelled with the traffic and sometimes against it. However, that is the trek we all take on our lifelong journey. Some of us wait for the traffic to stop, some stop the traffic. I say, getting to the other side requires us to actively cross the street, sometimes letting someone else direct the traffic for a bit and sometimes directing it ourselves.  More importantly, it requires us to understand that our lives are like driving.  Sometimes there are traffic jams, others times it flows with ease.  Sometimes it is under construction, other times it is smooth and easy.

This journal and memoir is about acknowledging the traffic in our lives that pause for us and those that do not. It is about reclaiming unclaimed gratitude and bowing to the presence of those who give us the chance to experience it.  It is  how to gently expose the raw depths of our emotions and share them with others so our lives are richer and fuller.   And when this happens, relationships flourish and grow; we are balanced and peaceful. 

This journal is about sharing that gratitude with those around us who gave us the chance to have the experience. This journal is about the positive experience of personally expressing gratitude to those in our life. 

Get out your note cards and begin to write!

Legacies: Passing the torch to our children

As a mom, I have yet to discover a time in the lives of my children that lacks awe.  I am blessed with two unique, kind, and loving sons.  Last spring my oldest brought home his first born.  Not the traditional child.  This one weighed in at 70 pounds, has four legs, a wrinkly face and drools all over the house.  Yes friends, he brought home a dog.  A four year old boxer named Baillee.

 

I wrote to Keith this summer to share my gratitude for all he is and all he does. I also thanked him for bringing Baillee home.  He is great company on walks or when I am home alone. Baillee teaches me about life.  One morning last summer Baillee sat just watching the birds and squirrels in the yard.  Not in hunt, but in tranquility. I realized then how we all can live peacefully in the same world.  And,  Baillee has taught Keith a great deal about life.

As I watch the two of them, I am more amazed every day.     Keith is a parent now.  Perhaps not to a traditional child, however he is a parent to Baillee. Today, I watch as my son learns the depth of caring and love a parent has for their child. 

 

This is such a privilege.  Watching our children forward the love we gave them is a gift.  Truly an example of how we pay emotional and spiritual gifts forward.  In the hustle of the morning, Keith stops to sit on the couch and comfort Baillee before he leaves the house for work.  He gives him time; he shares something special with him. 

 

I am amazed at the parenting skills of my son.  I believe some of this is what he learned from his father and me.  We couldn’t make it as a couple, but I think this is part of the legacy we gave to our sons.  

 

 

The generosity of spirit

This week there is no question about who I will mail my gratitude note to.  I somehow think the person who receives the note, is the type of person who enjoys making others feel special.  Truthfully, I really do not even know this person.  But what a difference he made in my week.  As I told him, it is his generosity of spirit that filled my spirit on that Thursday morning.

 

Felicia’s is a small coffee shop in East Greenwich, RI.  According to my son, they serve the best coffee.   Yes, even better than Dunkin Donuts!  As for me, they have the best low fat, high fiber muffins and cookies around.  Remember a few posts ago when I mentioned giving up my morning coffee and muffin and now my IRA will be $1,300.00?  Well, I gave it up most days.  However sometimes temptation is too much and my car goes off autopilot on my way to work and I stop at Felicia’s. Lately though, the few times I stopped, are the days when my all time favorite muffins (Butterscotch or Congo) are not on the menu. Thursday was one of those days.  I needed a Felicia Muffin Fix!  So, I decided to call before I left my house to see what they were serving.

 

Michael answered the phone.  He’s the baker and performs magic with ordinary ingredients.  The pastry at Felicia’s is decadent.  Even the less than evil calories are delightful! Not to long ago I picked up pilots at the hotel.  On the way to the airport, I stopped at Felicia’s so they could get their coffee.  They came out of Felicia's each carrying several boxes of pastry!  One said he had never been in such a great coffee shop and couldn’t wait to share the goodies with his wife.  They were positively smitten.

 

But back to the phone call and Michael.  After I asked Michael what was on the menu, and discovered they were not my favorite, he asked me, what is my favorite?  When I told him Butterscotch or Congo, he asked me what time I would be there.

 

Yes, Michael baked just two (actually three) cookies for me Thursday morning.  When I arrived, he peeked his head out the drive through window and with a great smile on his face, handed me the brown paper bag. There they were. Three warm butterscotch cookies baked fresh just for me! I somehow think Michael took as much pleasure in doing this, as I did indulging in my less than evil calories!

 

Michael changed my day.  He illuminated a different path of gratitude. The path when we realize that letting someone do something for us, giving us a gift, is also gratitude.  I love paying for the coffee for the person behind me; stepping aside at the register and letting someone go ahead of me, making favorite meals and so forth, but so often failed to recognize how good it makes someone feel when they do something for me! Today, someone did it for me and it felt wonderful! For both of us.  I realized that accepting a gift from someone is also an example of gratitude.  Michael reminded me of the importance of allowing others to do things for us.   When we allow others to do things for us, we give others the chance to feel good by doing something for us and recognize that we are also deserving of kind treatment.  Two people received gifts that day:  the one who gave and the one who received.  I truly believe Michael felt as good through the day as I did because of the opportunity he had to do something special for a stranger.

 

Felicia's has the perfect ingredients. The most decadent pastry offerings, are complimented with an extraordinary crew of employees and of course Michael. 

 

There are times when the lines are long at Felecia’s.  They are that way for a reason. Stop by Felicia's and you will realize that this is not just another cofee shop. This is a place to savor.  Savor the pastries, savor the visit.  A great get-together place to have a respite during a busy day.

 

Check out Felicia’s at 5757 Post Road, East Greenwich, RI or at http://feliciascoffee.com/aboutus.htm

 

Be sure to say hi to Michael!  What a treasure! 

Challenges and changes

There is something special about early morning.  In the spring and summer I sit on my deck and enjoy my first cup of tea while I journal or read.  Then, for a few weeks I stagnate. A wayfaring stranger without a place to open the day.  When the season changes from summer to fall, I find myself sitting in my rocking chair by the wood stove, cup of coffee or tea in hand, breathing in the wonder of a new day.  Today is that morning.  We are having a typical nor’easter, and for the first few moments of the day I listened to the rain and wind by the warmth of the fire.  Soon, the quietness of the morning will be replaced  by my sons getting ready for their day,  my 4 legged grandson begging for attention and a new day of activity will be at hand.  But for now, this peacefulness is where I begin my day.

This week was challenging.  Again I found myself pondering who I would send a card to.  Since my last gratitude note, I mailed one to the coordinator of my high school reunion, one each to two coworkers and this week I chose to write a note to someone who challenges me. 

Have you ever had anyone in life who challenges you to go to the edge and when you are there, they want you to take one more step?  It looks like there is no footing and what you really have to do is take a step of faith.  Picture this.  You are blind and your senses tell you that you are at the edge of the cliff.  Someone beside you tells you to take one more step, yet you believe that you have gone as far as you can go.  However, this person challenges you to explore the space.  You put one foot forward and instead of space what you find is a step.  You place your foot on that step, lift up your other foot and there is another step. 

Nicole is much like the person asking me to take the step.  While I can explain what happens, I have to find out why it happens to solve the puzzle.  In the process, of solving the why, I gain valuable knowledge and deeper critical thinking skills.  My understanding of the intricacies of the inner workings of my field is deepened and I become a better person.  All of this translates back to my identity, my essence.  I step up to a higher level of understanding my work and what challenges really hold.  Everytime we are challenged, we have the choice to take the step beyond where we are or to stagnate.

When someone challenges you, you gain in the area in which you are challenged, and in your ability to transfer that knowledge to other areas in your life.   Instead of stopping, you reach a bit further to gain a deeper understanding.  You begin to look at life from a different perspective.  You realize that you can also challenge yourself.  Each of us can challenge ourselves in so many ways.  Physically, emotionally, financially, employment, education and such.  

There is good in challenge.  We need others to challenge us and we need to challenge ourselves.  Today when I become frustrated, I remember that under the frustration is challenge.  The discomfort and frustration, that is challenge.  Thankfully, Nicole challenges me.  She asks me to deepen my understanding of my work.  If no one challenges you, challenge yourself.  Add an extra work out in once a week.  It soon becomes habit and your body thanks you for it.   I was spending $25.00 a week on my morning coffee and muffin.  I began to make a cup of tea, bring my breakfast to work and at the end of the year,  my Roth IRA is $1,300.00 richer.  Let go of the things you cannot control in life and all of a sudden the stress is gone.  Your emotional life no longer opposes that which is.   Was there initial discomfort in these challenges?  Of course.  Was it frustrating to learn a new schedule or change a habit?  Of course. Is it hard to let go?  Oh yes!  However, look at what I gained from these challenges.   

What I once understood as frustration, I now recognize as challenge.  Whenever I become frustrated, I now know that there is a chance for me to grow.

I learned a lot from Nicole, both about my field and about myself.  Who will challenge you today to take a step outside yourself and discover something new? Or will it be yourself?

 

 

The flow of friendships

Some gratitude is easy to express and other times it takes effort.   This is about those times when the expression of gratitude needs active participation.    Several weeks ago I wrote a note of gratitude to a friend.  The note still sits in my planner, yet to find its way to the post office.  I used the excuse that I want to send the note on my newly designed stationery; I need to print up more bookmarks; I will make sure I copy the note and mail it tomorrow.  The truth is, this note in particular is very difficult.  It requires something more than gratitude from me.  It requires release.

Many find themselves at this same crossroad in their relationships.  We enjoy the company of friends and then things grow in opposition to our desires.  I know I am grateful for this friendship. I grew, I learned and I loved.  We shared many evenings enjoying the company of each other.  Is it such a negative thing when the tide of the relationship ebbs? 

Perhaps what I have learned most is that friendships are not static, they are dynamic.  They change, evolve, they ebb and flow; they rise and fall. They flow outward from our center, our essence our soul and join with the essence of another.  This constant flow provides the ingredients for the richness and riskiness of our relationships. When we do not release, when we hold on,  friendships cannot flow forward and garner strength, or release the pain of our struggles and become static.  Like rivers, relationships gather strength from the gifts of our essence. And like rivers, the flow of a relationship is sometimes tumultuous, sometimes slow and steady, however, relationships constantly flow from the stream that releases.

So, we must let our friendships flow from our spirit, our soul, our being, feeding the flow.  And like the rains that fill our ponds and brooks and flow to our rivers, sometimes we fill our relationships with that which flows from our center, and sometimes we use the reservoir gathered from the strength which previously filled the relationship.   

Simply stated, simply felt, simply gratitude.

Restoring peaceful energy

I have been staying at one of the best kept secrets in Connecticut. Nestled in the hills of Simsbury, sits Merrywood Inn, a quaint and elegant bed and breakfast.  Driving up the long circular drive, you glance at the meticulous grounds and know that this is a place to restore.

Outside, Merrywood offers a sanctuary to pause for a respite on one of the benches or take tea on a rainy afternoon under the protection of the outdoor teahouse that overlooks the wooded acreage.  You can stroll the perimeter guided by stonewalls that artfully display stone and metal arrangements.  Pass through the entranceway into the sunken garden and you have a place to sit as if in a portrait. 

There is more to Merrywood Bed and Breakfast than the grounds that offer you a garden of peaceful energy.  As you cross the threshold, you are greeted by innkeepers Mike and Gerlinde Marti.  Mozart serenades you as you make your way to your room. Halls, sitting areas and rooms have impecable detail. As you enter your room, a  light emanates a soft glow.  You put your suitcase down, sink into one of the antique chairs or the settee that adorns your room and all at once, you are transferred to a place of warmth, relaxation and bliss.  I can only compare a visit at Merywood to a traveler who has returned home after a long trip.  That is what happens.  From the moment you cross the threshold into the home, you know you are welcome. 

After you choose from a breakfast menu which includes Eggs Hussard, Eggs SeaLegs, Poached eggs with Hollandaise Sauce,  French toast with Bananas Foster, or any of the other delightful cuisine, you crawl into your bed and wrap  yourself in luxurious comfort.

This morning I dined on a Baked Crepe Suzette.  The puffed crepe is filled with fruit drizzled with a tangy tantalizing sauce made from Grand Mariner, oranges and lemons.  As I bit into this masterpiece and the taste melted in my mouth, I had no other choice except to savor every mouthful. 

Mike and Gerlinde Marti are Merrywood.  Their very essence is the welcoming spirit of this unique and peaceful place. 

I am leaving today.  I am well rested and full of peaceful energy.  I will miss this place I have come to love, but I will be back.

You too can be a weary traveler coming home.  For more information check out MerrywoodInn.com or email Mike at Mfmarti@aol.com

All rights reserved

Copyright October 2009

Parents Weekend

This weekend is parents weekend at my son’s college.  I will confess, I use it as my weekend retreat.  If you have a child in college, I am sure you will understand this.   We spend a few hours with them and recognize that this is not the child we dropped off.  This is an adult and this is their space, their territory, and their life.  We are now visitors in our child’s life.

So, my weekend is sprinkled with some time with my son and his girlfriend, and my time is spent growing from my son.  Letting go.  For nineteen years he shared our home and now he has a place of his own.  I think the weekend is as much for parents to release as it is young adults to garner their personhood and become adults. 

What of parents weekend? I get a weekend away.  I stay at one of the best kept secrets of Connecticut, and tonight, I am more relaxed, giving myself the time to rejuvenate.  I have thought about so many things I want to write about.  About the place I am staying at; about my other son's note of gratitude; about gratitude found in a relationship that was never meant to last; but in the end, what I want to share is a rite of passage for our children and us.  We are growing as they grow apart from us.  I feel good about what is going on.  My son is happy. 

I sent a card to him over the summer.  I want him to know how proud I am of the young man he is becoming.  I know he kept his card.  He keeps them all.  I will always be his mom and  he will always be my son, but he is his own person.  Simple, subtle gratitude.  Simply said, simply felt, simply enjoyed. 

Missing deadlines - a chance to savor what you have learned

I have been neglectful of late.  No posts and I owe a gratitude card. This stresses me. Or better said, this gives me the chance to learn something valuable.    Because the reality of this my friends, is this endeavor is supposed to be empty of stress.  I have been preoccupied writing my thesis, and my professional life is, well, let’s say a bit busy.    This pause gave me a great deal of insight. Another good thing!  I love learning!  So, another post off the beaten path, however, well, you be the judge.

  What have I learned?  Every day I think about who I will send a gratitude note to.  Yes, every day!  I think who should I sent it to and why.    I think about all the good, and sometimes reach back and review the chapters in my life.  That alone suggests that this is a positive experience.  If, I am always thinking about gratitude, then I am looking for the positive, for the things that I previously took for granted.  So, almost half way into the experiment, I deem it a huge success.  When family, friends and strangers do the littlest thing, I notice it!  I always thought I was a good observer, but now, I notice everything, I listen deeper and I am more empathetic. 

 And what did I learn when I missed my deadline?  It is okay. My type A personality is subsiding.  I have proven the experts wrong!  We can leave it behind!   I am learning to let go. The cards will get in the mail.  Perhaps not on Saturday, maybe Monday or Tuesday, but I will send them. I am committed to this! 

My gratitude notes have taught me more than I ever anticipated.  I have learned that deadlines are important, they teach us discipline, and discipline is rewarding.  However, there are times when we need to be a bit more like a willow  instead of an oak tree!  They bend a lot more.  And if I think about gratitude more often because I have not written my weekly note, well then, I think in Martha Stewarts words, "that is a good thing!"

 

Simple things

 I figured out where I am in the experiment.  I have been writing gratitude notes for nineteen weeks.  This is week twenty.  I sent cards to my mom and to friends who are not afraid to challenge me.  I sent a note to the owners of the Rocky Hill Blueberry Farm in Warwick; and I sent a card to my neighbor who saved my home and probably our lives from fire.  I sent cards to the receptionist at my dentist and eye doctor for reminding me about my appointments and I sent a card to my dear friends for all the wonderful times we shared at the movies, dinner, wineries and playing Scrabble.  I sent a note to my mentor at school and I sent a note to Sharon for giving me the opportunity to work as a tutor in the premat program at URI. 

Every week it is the same. Who should I send a note to?  There are so many instances that it is difficult to choose.  I can tell you that since I started writing the notes, I am more grateful.  I always took the time to address a store clerk by their name.  That is what a name tag is for.  Now, I take the time to thank them when they offer me the weekly special at the register or ask me if there is anything they can help with.  “Thanks for suggesting that Julie.  I really appreciate it however I am all set today.”  Does it make a difference?  I believe it does. I think these few words validate their effort.

 

But back to today.  It is Wednesday.  Some say, yes, the week is half over and some say, well, what do they say?  I have been thinking. Wednesday already, , Saturday is coming. My self imposed deadline for my weekly gratitude note.  There are so many people I could send a note to.  Ruth brought me a cup of tea yesterday while I poured over financial statements from years ago.  Then there is Ellie.  A few weeks ago Ellie stamped the envelopes for the checks I had to mail.  Simple things, yet I have not thanked either.  Yes, I did verbally thank them and let them know how much help this was to me, but I want them to know that those gestures, those simple things made my life so much easier. 

 

Who will I send the note to?  I honestly cannot say.  Thank goodness it is only Wednesday.  I know I could write many notes of gratitude each week. 

 

Something so abstract, yet so pleasing to our spirit as a simple thought . . . gratitude.

 

Namaste my friends.

Stitching love

My favorite season arrives again! The past few days have been perfect autumn days. I love the smell of fall, I love to pick apples, and I love to go to the beach on cool, sunny days. I love fall!  Autumn reminds me of my childhood; from my first day of school to jumping in piles of leaves. For me the fall brings back memories of growing up on River Street and my mom.  Nowadays my mother's memory fades with each passing day. I know she remembers her childhood.  She shares stories of growing up during our conversations. Sadly I will soon be lost to my mom, locked away in her mind.  Recently I mailed my mom a note of gratitude and shared with her how our past is a piece of my present.  I want her to know how grateful I am for the gifts she gave me.  My love of reading and the craft of creating beautiful quilts.

 

I love books and I love to read. When I was old enough to write my name my mom brought me to the public library.  I filled out the card, signed my name and received my golden ticket.    I still remember her leaving me in the children's section while she picked out her own books.  It was my first taste of independence.  I immersed myself in the shelves of mythological times, far away lands and Dr. Seuss.  All too soon I heard my mother quietly call my name from the steps telling me it was time to leave. I gathered my books went to the desk and checked out my reading for the week.  

Do you remember what the library smells like?  I am sure you know the odor.  Today, that scent still evokes that memory.  I can walk into a library, pick up a book and there it is!  The smell, even the touch.  The texture of a library book is smooth.  A trip to the library today, reminds me of my first trip to the Raynham Public Libary.  What takes you to those places?

 

My mom gave me another gift in life. My mom also showed me how to sew. She would spend hours picking patterns for my cloths from the McCall’s and Simplicity pattern books.  Simplicity was her favorite.  When she found the perfect pattern, we went to the bolts of cloth to find just the right print for my new outfit.

  New material also has a very distinct scent. Every time I walk into a fabric store it is just like I am putting on a newly stitched outfit my mother made for me.  Every stitch had love in it.  Today I quilt.  I like to think of it as making a hug.  My mom received the first one.  Since I cannot be with her all the time, I know that she is surrounded by my love.

 

My mom taught me about the world, and she gave me pieces of my identity. Things are not always wonderful in my relationship with my mother.  But I embrace the good and learn from the difficulties.   I can be a better adult mother by understanding that what my mom did, she did in love.  My mom gave me pieces of myself; places I go to meditate.  In every stitch my mother took, there was love. 

 

When the crisp air of fall arrives and we snuggle in a fleece to keep warm, remember to wrap yourself in memories from the past.  Not to live in, but to understand and be grateful for the gifts others give us.

With peace and homage to mom. . .

Success

Last evening as I drove home from a long week at the office, I wondered how does each of us measure success?  This might seem like a redundant question.  All my life the message I received is that success is carrying a briefcase, being at the top of the food chain, being the boss.   So why has "success" been so elusive to me?  Or better yet, why have I prevented myself from attaining success?  And then I realized that is not my measure of success; however the message I received as a child about success.  You have to be the boss or the manager; you have to control the situation; you have to have power, not empowerment.

Light bulb!  Success is not power, success is empowerment.  Empowerment of self and empowerment of others.  Success is having a candlelit dinner alone and embracing the moment; for some of us success is taking a chance.

However folks, there is still something else and here is the story.  I have been afraid of success.  I have some really good ideas and always stop short of attaining what is possible. It took me weeks to publish this blog.  When all was done, I pushed the button and kept it to myself.  Yes, that is the idea behind a blog. Do not tell friends, family, or coworkers.  Not!  Then I did; slowly and told one person at a time, and they were bound to confidentiality.  Some responded "that is so sad,"  "way too deep," “raw,” and I thought okay, check off another failure.  Until someone read my blog and said, "That is awesome, real, and what we need."  I realized at that very moment, this might, no, this is a success in my life.  I have already succeeded by taking a step; by taking a chance and impacting one life. 

Every week I procrastinate writing my note of gratitude.  Not because gratitude eludes me, because, what happens if I succeed? I will not be able to be disappointed in myself. Sound familiar?  You go on a diet, loose all but the last ten pounds, and you have not measured up to your goals.  You are disappointed and you gain it all back.  Instead of celebrating what we achieve, we turn to that which eludes us.  Each year we begin the year with a resolution and many of us stop before we attain our goal.  And when we get to the top, well, I achieved what 99% of the world has not!  I scored 260,000 points in Bejeweled.  My answer:  It was the game.  What is it about success or attaining it that scares us?

I don't need to carry the briefcase to work, be the boss, or save the world, but I do have to stop selling myself short and avoiding success.  My intent for this blog is to show how to open the book on gratitude and share it with others, how to journey to peacefulness via gratitude; how to empower our lives. If it changes the outlook of one or many, I consider it a success.  It has already changed the outlook of one - mine! 

A bit outside the box today however an important post.  Success is not elusive; success is unlocking the door, taking a step, taking a chance.    Success is allowing yourself to celebrate your achievements.  Success my friends, is allowing ourselves to fail and know that the experience is success.  Success is empowerment. If we never take the step, if we never take the chance, if we never have the experience, we never give ourselves the chance to finish.  We discover something every time we begin a new task, a new project, or take on a new endeavor.  Accomplishments are wonderful, and we need them.  However, what we need to understand is that there are some accomplishments we will see through to the end and some accomplishments that are finished by completing a portion of the task.  However each accomplishment  is a success because we discover things about ourselves which empower.

With gratitude for discovering the successes in my life. . . thanks

Trimming the thorns . . . and the roses

About six weeks into my experiment, I published a blog.  In some of the blogs, I shared my gratitude note and why, in others, well, they were more a journal entry.  This one particular day, friends and coworkers were reading the blog about “Romancing your sensual self: May I have this dance?” and responding sympathetically. That is so sad to be alone.  Whoa, let me take a step back.  That is not the message I am trying to create.  So before we get deeper in this blog, let me explain to each of you how I feel about experience.

Experience is our journey in life. These experiences I share are what fertilize serenity in my life.  If I never “experienced” these difficult times, this pain, I would have grown differently.  This blog is not about pain, but about the positive result of a painful experience.

Just as a rose has thorns, so does life.  Do we avoid a bouquet of roses because of the thorns?  When the experience is over, do we hold the pain or the lesson?  Thorns are easily cut away.  Life gives us thorns, but more important, the thorns of life give us “experience” and hold the key to some of life’s most generous lessons. 

When we want fresh cut roses from the garden, we adorn our hands with gloves, grab our garden shears and clip.  Think how pleased we are with the result.  The risk of the pain is worth the beautiful centerpiece for our table and the tantalizing scent that fills the room.  We might have been pricked but what a gift we have!

Life is the same.  The rose bush that is continually pruned produces an abundance of buds and flowers.  When we take the time to trim the experience, good or bad, our life multiplies.  Trimming the experience is about embracing the moment and letting go.

Know that I am grateful for these experiences.  Without each, I would not be who I am today.  And not all experiences are painful, or maybe they are!   I sent a note of gratitude to my dental hygienist.  Talk about painful! However, the pain reminds me to floss my teeth!

 So when you think about painful experiences, remember they are needed.  We need the pain, we need the pleasure, but we need to trim them both so our lives continue to flourish.

The good life: Romancing your sensual self. May I have this dance?

As dusk settled, I set the dinner table for one and something happened. I lit the candle in the middle of my outside dining room, served up a portion of freshly made sauce and ziti, poured a glass of wine and sat looking at the early evening sky.  What was it about the evening that brought such profound peace?  What does where I am today have to do with my gratitude journey?

As I sat at the table enjoying the meal for one, my friend Nancy came to mind. Nancy is in the final chapter of her life.  She was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer.  She thought she had it beat, but it returned with a vengeance.  The cancer now attacks her organs and will soon take her life.  Like each of us, Nancy’s life is a book.  Probably a bit more condensed than some, however a book filled with generous offerings for those who share a path with her.

A few weeks ago, I thanked Nancy for what she gave me.  Nancy's life painted a picture of serenity.  You see, late in life, Nancy took up painting and spent hours at the easel.  In my life, Nancy showed me the realities of the serenity of the girl in the meadow.  Like the painting of a girl dressed in flowing garments, head bowed to the daisy touching her nose, Nancy was alone, at peace, comfortable with herself and comfortable being alone.  Not searching, but embracing all that life offers.  Like the girl in the meadow, Nancy paused for a moment, an hour, and a day and did something for herself that gave her comfort.

How often do we take the time to do things we enjoy?  Self time. Not with friends, children, spouses or significant others, but with self and expressing self?  That gift, the time we spend exposing our essence through expression on a canvas, journaling, cooking, or submerging self in what we love, create a space where we can have profound peace.  This is what Nancy did at the easel.  She embraced her essence and found herself in the moment discovering a different kind of meditation; allowing her mind to think about nothing else except for the stroke that is placed on the canvas.

This is what I am doing this evening.  Because I have no dance partner does not mean I cannot dance.  These moments in life are for us to embrace.  We can have a sensual relationship with ourselves.  It is about being aware of our senses and embracing them whether alone or with a significant other.  Just because we are alone doesn’t mean we should not create these moments in our life.  When we open this door our life becomes richer, more satisfied. 

As I blew out the candle and gathered my empty plates, I watched the sun slip beyond the horizon.  I once again offered Nancy my homage for giving me the chance to be her student and for introducing me to the girl in the meadow; for giving me a new understanding about what it means to dance alone. I have a new peace in my life.  However long, is all too brief, but I am grateful to have had a chance to have Nance in my life.

Our lives are a book.  Some of us live a Reader's Digest condensed version, some of us have the chance to publish volumes.  What story will your book tell?

 

 

About me

I guess it would help if I let you know a bit about me.  Four years ago I lost my best friend to cancer, my husband to divorce, and my female fertility to menopause.  That was a triple dose of WT*. I deposited myself into the protection of depression until I could become a rational, non-narcissistic human being.

This shaped who I am today.  I am a better mother and a better friend.  I have two sons, a 4-legged grandchild called Baillee, a lazy cat and a journal.  I teach at a local university and am an accountant. I spend hours immersed in the pages of books, and love to cook and bake. I love the aroma of fresh strawberry jam and tomato sauce as they cook and the spices meld.  I love the seashore and could spend my life at the ocean listening to the music of the waves.   I love a good glass of cabernet with a piece of dark chocolate.  

I would love to have my best friend back, but it is not going to happen. Today, I look at what life handed me and I hurt for the two children Lisa left behind; I hurt because Lisa's life ended too soon. However, life is not about how long you live, but about how you live your life. Lisa was an incredible person and she led an incredible life.  She was younger than me; however, she taught me much.  She taught me confidence, she taught me how to be a good mom, and she taught me how to be a good friend.   

I often overextend my life, however am learning to slow things down.  This is a result of living in a marriage where I constantly tried to please and do for others.  After my divorce, I learned that a life well lived is one that holds the acquiescence for embracing self and caring for, not "taking" care of or from others.

So, over the past few weeks, the result of my gratitude is taking hold, embracing me and erasing the years of self-abuse and hatred. It has changed how I respond to the world.  

I will never close gratitude in the pages of my journal.  I will always express it to those who share my life. 

Until later, remember to pay homage to the moment.