Pain has a way of redirecting our attention away from the self and altering our perceived needs. Instead of satisfying the need for care through our own contemplative self or those things we truly enjoy, we seek self in all which lacks the ability to satiate our appetite. We behave in ways which are counterproductive to a healthy self. Perhaps we seal the pain with alcohol, drugs or food. Perhaps it is found in outrageous behavior or spending long hours working at the office. Whatever we do, it diverts the attention from the individual who needs to be loved, healed and sheltered by self and others. And all of this behavior hijacks the opportunity and our ability to focus on healing and acceptance of our 'self.'
So, what is it we are seeking? Are we seeking attention or suppressing the pain until we can bear it? I have struggled with emotional eating for years. Once I saw that food didn't fill the void or replace the care I really sought and needed, it no longer had the ability to seduce me. I discovered that what I am seeking is not satisfied in food. I discovered that what I need is to seek self, care for self, allow others to care for me, and turn my attention to my needs; to validate, love and merge the person on the outside with the one I am on the inside. But in doing this, I needed to expose some of the raw wounds and allow people to love me: just as I am.
When someone asks for our opinion, we often respond, "It doesn't matter, whatever you decide is fine with me." What these words represent is closing yourself off, never allowing anyone the chance to see the pieces of you . . . the things you like to do, the places you like to go and the sights you enjoy. It creates a vacuum in your identity and sucks your 'self' away. We sear the self inside with alcohol, drugs, food, work or attention seeking behavior in order to avoid sharing our life.
I believe it is important to take the time to share a piece of yourself by inviting others to share with you what you enjoy. Satisfy your needs by sharing self. Share self with you and share self with others. This is not about ego, but about letting go of the ego and seeking self. Make the time to share with others what they enjoy and make the time to share yourself with others. Allow your desires to satiate you instead of destructing you. When pain knocks, be ready to greet it through your ability to understand that what you really need to battle the pain is acknowlegement of self. Talk to yourself and you will hear!
Namaste my friends,
With love, blessing and kindness
Joyce
